Too Many Tights!

An Important Announcement!

Okay... I feel like I have to make another comment about this issue because there is a lot of stuff flying around teh interwebz at the moment and a lot of it isn't great.

Yes, let's talk copying (again).

Firstly, can I say that I sympathise with both sides on this one. Yeah, I've been upset about it at times and felt tempted to have a little rage (and yes, I have fallen into that temptation once or twice, not proud of that), and I've also felt really dirty after witnessing mud slinging matches, during which, inevitable, some of the mud ends up hitting me. I understand why people get upset about the issue - often it's not even about us - girls are just disappointed that a particular store they thought was really cool, has done something not cool and they feel angry about it.

So can I ask a favour? Let's just avoid the topic. Because this whole situation sucks, and every time we dredge this issue up, it's discouraging for all involved.

Now, I can't tell anyone what to say or do, and we are all free to respectfully express our opinions, but it's alarming to me that the community seems to be turning on itself over this issue. We all hate the copies, but I'm starting to see situations where sharkies are getting frustrated at other sharkies. This community is something really special and we can't let such a stupid issue create division.

So here are a couple of thought on the matter as we move forward:

Recently Tom Ford was asked about the issue (speaking about Gucci fakes) and this is what he had to say:

"We did some research - and the counterfeit customer is not our customer"

Kind of obvious, right? The girl who buys the latest Gucci clutch is not the same girl doing the rounds in Bali trying to find last season's version for $10.

There are going to be sharkies, who love wearing BM, get lots of stuff on release day, take selfies, chat in the groups, go to meet ups, photoshop my face on to works of art, and rock out like hot little bosses.... and then there are girls who really don't care about any of those things, and just want some cheap printed leggings.

And here's the thing... I'm actually really not interested in selling to those girls! They're not Black Milk customers - and I really don't have a problem with that. I'm interested in YOU girls. Your style, your support, and your attitude... that's what I find exciting. If it's all just about moving stock and turning a buck... that's just not us.

I could easily do that. I get multiple emails every day from chinese manufacturers offering to produce clothes for us at 50 cents a piece. I could do it, but where's the fun in that? We love fashion and that's why we design, make, and sell all our own stuff. We manufacture in Fortitude Valley, Brisbane and Collingwood, Melbourne. We employ over 150 people, and we LOVE fashion and running this little fashion business. If you think that's cool and want to be part of our little fashion adventure ... sweet as! 

So it's like this - haters gonna hate, copyers gonna copy, and sharkies gonna nom.

And as for me.... well, I'm going to keep making cool clothes and hope girls love wearing them as much as I love making them.

We cool?

It's Easy To Change Your Tune When Your Song Ain't Being Played.

I suck at blogging.

====================

1. Sydney trip!!!

Well, I have returned from Sydney , in one piece. And it was AMAZING! I always feel like we don't give the Sydney NSW girls enough love, and a few weeks ago Cap'n Cam and myself decided to change it. So down we went! Have you ever been swamped by 100 amazing women in awesome tight clothes? No....? You haven't lived, peeps!

We had our usual traditions:

Story time

Just like at primary school! Everyone sits down, I climb on a chair/table and talk about how Black Milk started and all our exciting adventures up to the present moment

Give aways

We have a little draw where you get a chance to win some brand spanking new Black Milk leggings (in all different sizes!)

Photo time

We take a million photos and I try not to look too goofy.

(and thanks for all the pics Joani!)

Pancake After Party

Don't ask... it starts off well but always ends in tears.

But a massive internet hug to all the Sydney girls. You girls are the best. :)  Although I hear that the Queensland and the Victoria girls are plotting to make their meet ups even bigger and more awesome now. ;)

And is the rumour true that there is an international meet up in Vegas...?

2. There is still a lot of talk about the issue of copying. Yeah, we know, and it sucks.

I have already gone on the record saying that we are going to ignore the imitators and just get on with doing cool new things. So that's the plan. Unfortunately, these guys have figured out that they can make a quick buck by simply waiting for us to do something cool and copying it.

So I guess we're going to have to do a LOT of cool things...

You cool with that?

3. There have been a few bizarre rumours going around the interwebz that we secretly get our clothes made in the third world, like most other fashion labels. Not true peeps, we make all our stuff at two locations... Fortitude Valley in Brisbane, and Collingwood in Melbourne. If you don't believe us... come on down and see for yourself!

:)

4. We made some jewellery! I'll show you this week.... :)

5. Well, I have the name of my next collection. THE NYLON WARS.

Why, I hear you ask... ? (Yes, I can hear you through the internet). Well, I feel like that describes where we are at at the moment.

This thing started off as an idea, became a passion, then a career, then a community... now... well, sometimes I feel like it's a war, baby. 

There are a lot of challenges at the moment... we're growing really fast, preparing for the Star Wars stuff, trying to keep old sharkies happy, trying to keep new sharkies happy, trying to do fresh and exciting ideas, trying to keep in touch with our 'garage' roots. Trying not to take things too personally when peeps say mean things about myself or my beloved Black Milk on teh interwebz.

I guess just plain old trying to still have fun.

Maybe I should explain the metaphor - when I look out at the industry at the moment, and in particular the area we are in - fashion stretchwear... well, it's a jungle out there. And we are steering our ships straight into the battle (the jungle is in the sea... just go with it). But the barbarians are at the gate (the sea jungle also has a gate, FYI, and the barbarians are ... um ... swimming) and we have set our fortification on the hill getting ready to attack with an awesome new collection! (The sea is on a hill, with a jungle in it... whatevs).

So prepare yourself for THE NYLON WARS - EPISODE 1.

(This made sense in my head, it really did.)

 6. Great to see that the olympics are sparking an interest in stretchy clothes.... behold:

And can't forget outfit's for the boys!

I mean, really, I can't forget this outfit that this guys is wearing. But I want to.

I'm totes going to make a bodysuit like this. So cool. Except for the black zig zag stitch on the leg hole.

See ya round like a record. :)

jL

My Nights Are Turning Into Days

I'm blogging... so strap in peeps, I'm a little rusty.

1. Just got back from my last little adventure in Melbourne. We started our Melbourne operation a few months ago, and that place is cooking. Actually...  maybe cooking is a bad metaphor because it implies the presence of some type of heat, which is apparently unknown to the bottom section of Australia around this time of year. (READ: It is cold and miserable all the time).

So the big question on my mind is now, where do we go next?

There have been a few suggestions... Sydney (which is actually our best city in terms of sharkies), San Fransisco, LA, and of course... NYC.

Interestingly, there has been some criticism of my planning to open a new operation anywhere but in Australia. And I can understand that. We have always been perceieved as a very Australian label.

However, there is something that has given me pause for thought. And it is this....

The US sharkies are truly awesome.

"But jL - all sharkies are awesome!"

This is true... but spare a thought for your US sharkie. They have to stay up late for releases, they miss most of my obsessive Facebook posting, they don't get to meet Handsome Cam or myself (which is pretty much the pinnacle of human experience), and yet they still buy more Black Milk gear than anyone else outside Australia. Observe...

So these guys have a special place in my heart.

So what the heck... maybe we'll just go nuts and set up a studio in the US. You only live once.

And of course, we will still have our Australian studios and they will keep expanding. :)

2. Of course, it goes without saying that our strict policy about not manufacturing in the third world is not going to change any time soon.

In fact... never. :)

3. I don't know what this hand signal means, but if it is something along the lines of "Guess what - Black Milk did a deal with LucasArts and so the most awesome clothing ever created will be available soon"... then it is surprisingly accurate.

So the good news is that it is happening, the bad news is that we may need a few months to finalise the deal and to build up stock!

And they will cost a little bit more because they are an officially licensed item (i.e. we have to pay for the rights!)  :o

But much cheaper than eBay....

4. These tees are awesome and you can buy them here. :)

Before I made leggings I made tee shirts. They are still cool. 

5. Remember these bad boys?!

I'm working with zips again at the moment. I have an idea of creating a leather jacket bikie qipao. Madame Butterfly meets a biker chick. Can't wait to see how this thing turns out. And obvioulsy I'll give you guys a peek. ;)

6. So it seems that other clothing labels are trying to muscle in on Black Milk territory with their own versions of some of our pieces... scandalous!

Behold... Purple Galaxy Leggings

 

For some reason, I'm not worried.

By the way, a lot of girls are unsure how to respond when they see 'versions' of our pieces being 'referenced' by other clothing labels.

Some go in like a bulldog. Some go the other way and say that it doesn't matter because nothing in fashion is original anyway.

I'm not fussed. At the end of the day, peeps are going to follow the leader. ;)

7. So as you might have heard, I had this awesome idea.

You know when you see swimsuits on the catwalk (or on blackmilkclothing.com) the girls are always wearing awesome shoes? They look sweet, right? Unfortunately, in reality girls are never going to get the opportunity to wear swimsuits and awesome shoes together. Because people look at you funny when you hit the town on a Saturday night wearing nothing but the Black Ribs swimsuit and a pair of Litas.

So here's the awesome idea.. we pick a city with lots of sharkies - and we do a SWIMS + SHOES POOL PARTY!!! Girls only. So you can dress as outrageous as you want, eat, drink, swim, and just have a blast.

I would even design a special swim collection especially for the occasion. :) This shall be cool....

I'll keep you in the loop. :)

x

jL

ANSWERS!

Swims! I am in the US and need suits for the summer, should I buy now, or wait tell May? : )

 We do have lots of swims on the way! Retro Gamers are a must.... :)  I think if you like the style... get it.

How many licks to the center of a tootsie pop?

On average 136.7, depending on your tongue and technique.

Whats your hobby? Well you know, besides making girls legs look duh bomb?

I study and teach philosophy/theology.

Would you ever do mens' clothes?

On the day I find men more interesting to look at than women.

Why are you so fabulous?

Because my milkshake brings all the girls to the yard.

When's ur trip to Sydney ;) ?

Soon I hope! I would love to see all the Sydney girls.

What is it about Black Milk, in your opinion, that makes girls so damn crazy?

Beats me, I like to think it's because I'm so cool. But that's just what I LIKE to think....

Is Ancient Maps dress coming out on the 26th or not until May?

Not until the May collection sorry!

HOW DID YOU START OUT!

Broke and unemployed.

Are droids coming back?!

I hope so.

Are inverted wallpapers going to be in HLB2?

Yes!

How many sneak peaks can we have from now untill HLB2?

Lots methinks!

Tell us what your personal favourite ones are! and which ones you think will sell out the quickest.

I think Starry Night will go mental. And I love the Lace Jacket, which I hope makes it into the collection. :)

Y U NO make me breakfast or mail me some :p

So you will avoid disappointment.

I want to know more about the development of your new designer brand!

Ha! Secret... but we have some really exciting pieces on the way. 

What's your inspiration(s)?

Women. Stories. 

When legbones 2.0 will be released!

Soon I hope, I haven't seen the tests yet, but I'm hopeful.

Any future plans for 3D designs ? if not you must!

Not... sorry!

Is it possible to pre-order styles that are currently out of stock?

Not. We used to do that and it was a logistical nightmare.

Will an Amerika dress be available by American Independence Day in July? 

Yes!

Will you make harry potter leggings one day ?

Probably not...

When will the Aurora Leggings be avaiable again??

Soon, we're keeping them I think.

If you had to choose to wear a cat as a hat or a scarf, which one would it be and why?

If I 'had to'? What kind of a person would be forcing me to make this choice?!

 

We Need To Have a Little Talk

There is an issue that we need to talk about - ADDICTION.

Addiction is a terrible burden to bear - but help is available. Together, we can help kick your habit, once and for all.

I know it's hard.

I know what it feels to sit down after a hard day and just... look at your legs, admiring their shininess. I know how hard it can be to put your legs in normal pants after having them encased in tight slinky fabrics that make them feel sensual and look amazing. I know what it's like to catch your figure in the mirror and think to yourself " Wow - I look good!"

It's hard, but you CAN overcome this addiction. Just take these few simple steps:

1. Admit you have a problem

Do you really NEED all those leggings? Of course not - you only have two legs! Is it normal to have an entire wardrobe devoted to tights? That's just crazy! You have a problem, and it's time to face up to it. It's just not normal. Most girls are content to have a few saggy, cheap, cotton leggings from a department store - why can't you?

And isn't your tendency to wear outrageous leggings nothing more than attention seeking behaviour? Why can't you be like everyone else and get mass produced clothing so you can just blend in with the crowd? If you absolutely MUST do something different with your legs, why not just get a $20 pair of jeggings?

2. Tell someone you trust

It's time to get open with someone you trust about your struggle with tight clothes. Tell them about how hard it is to resist when you are constantly bombarded with new and awesome ways of making your legs look hot. Tell them about your irrational behaviour - how you sometimes put on your leggings and photograph yourself, or put them on and wriggle around on the bed, or walk around the house wearing nothing but leggings and impractical shoes.

Yes, even get open about those times when you open your little black packages and sniff them.

The person may be shocked at first, but they can't help you unless they know the depths of the depravity to which you have sunk.

WARNING: If this person also wears Black Milk, they may not be able to help, and they may even subtly enable your addictive behaviour by saying things such as:

• "I wish my collection was that big"
• "Of course you have them, you always look so amazing when you wear them"
• "You're never going to change… you haven't worn proper pants in years."

Don't listen to this kind of enabling language - you can change, and become just like everyone else.

3. Practise dressing boring

Most BM addicts are used to looking fabulous when they go out, and so dressing boring again can sometimes be a frustrating and painful experience. Many girls experience feelings of misery, hopelessness and self loathing. Often girls will relapse, and on day two of their recovery will be found jumping up on the bed wearing nothing but a Black Ribs swimsuit, dancing wildly and singing "Welcome to the Jungle". This is a normal part of recovery.

You may also have feelings of self doubt - and many girls are haunted by questions such as:

• "Can I stop looking amazing every time I go out?"
• "Can I be happy when all my clothes made by third world labour?"
• "Can I handle shopping in big department stores for the rest of my life?"

And the answer is YES! Most girls do… and deep down, don't you want to be just like everyone else?

Well…. don't you?

 

My Black Milkshake Brings All the Girls to the Yard

.... and they're like "It's better than yours!"

Okay, I'm blogging. I'm a little rusty so bear with me. Let's go...

1. We set the cute bar ridiculously high...

I can't compete with that. Next to her I look like a troll.

Speaking of which...

2. Trolls, trolls everywhere!

So sometimes when we have a big jump in peeps hitting the BM fan page, we get lots of interesting new people.

And I'm using the word interesting in the sense of... probably shouldn't be allowed to stay on planet earth.

Yes, we get trolls. There are several varieties I have noticed, but there seems to be one thing that unites them all - they hate Black Milk, and they hate me.

In a world liberally filled with murderers, rapists, and reality TV stars - they choose to hate on a whole bunch of cute girls who wear tight clothing and the guy who sells tight pants for a living.

GET SOME PERSPECTIVE PEOPLE.

So I'm trying to figure it out. What makes these trolls come a trollin'? And then I figured it out...

And I don't mean that in a defensive way... I think peeps genuinely have a hard time with jealous feelings when the see the big beautiful hot mess that is Black Milk. They resent you guys because you have the confidence to step out looking outrageous and awesome. And they resent me for sticking myself in the middle of it.

Think about it -  100 000 hot little bosses... if I wasn't me I'd totally hate me.

4. Well the 100K Noms release was a success. It was our little celebration of our Facebook page (which is undoubtedly the coolest one in the world, in case you weren't aware) hitting 100 000 likes.

We had a few classic pieces:

Scribble leggings + Scribble bodysuit = ...?

Did you say Scribble Catsuit? If so, give yourself a huge high five! This is what the bodysuit looks like by itself.

You don't have to do that thing with your hands, but it helps.

5. I like her bathroom. In a creepy way.

I'm getting pretty familiar with girl's bathrooms at this stage, which is probably not that healthy.

6. I guess if there is one thing on my mind at the moment it is Black Milk's inability to keep up with demand. And I know what you're thinking... you're thinking about cupcakes. Kidding - you're thinking "That's a good problem to have..."

Yes and no.

You can die by drowning as easily as you can die of thirst.

(You like that saying? I made it up myself. Quite proud of that one....)

I used to pride myself on how fast we were, how responsive, how speedy to market. We were like those skinny dogs with the pointy noses (in terms of speed, not appearance).

Now I feel like a whale. And not a cool speedy whale like a dolphin or something. More like a hippo kind of whale. A whalopotamus.

That's life I suppose. Now there is such masive demand for what we do, and such a mighty outcry if we don't make stuff, that we have lost a lot of that mobility. Just so you know... this is what 99% of my communication consists of:

"jL, Y U no make this old style of leggings any moar!? I will DIE without them."

"jL, Y U no make post my leggings to me yet!? I am DYING without them (I'm typing with the last strength I have)."

"jL, Y U no make NEW leggings any moar!? I am anticipating DYING without them ..."

"jL, Y U no open a shop in [insert name of town here]!? The good citizens of  [insert name of town here] will DIE without leggings ..."

"jL, Y U no blog any moar!?"

"jL, Y U no visit my school!? 

"jL, Y U no cook me breakfast!? 

Okay... maybe some exaggeration, but you know what I mean. This bizarre video should explain it. Notice the customer service girls (the self proclaimed 'mega hotties') in background making me seem unprofessional.

 

7. I thought I'd finish off with a little chat about an interesting topic:

Ethical pricing

Some people get confused when they look at fabric prices and clothing prices - why are clothes so much more expensive than fabric? Isn't that unethical?

Good question. So let's see if we can get some answers... ;)

Fact #1: Fabric is a small part of the cost of clothing

Kind of obvious, right?! There are so many costs involved in producing clothing, and fabric is just one of them. There are big costs such as taxation, shipping of materials, accounting, rent, computers, staff - all the way down to thread, snippers, pencils and lollies for the lolly jar.

  Fact #2: Pricing is not derived primarily from cost of materials

Another obvious point right? Have you ever drunk bottled water? Do you think the price of that has ANYTHING to do with the material costs of the product itself? Of course not. Have you ever bought a goldfish? What is the material cost of a goldfish!? How about Coke? Do you really think you're just paying for sugar and water?

How about a Harry Potter book? What is the cost of paper and ink?

How about a concert, where there is NO material transaction at all?

Go to any restaurant in town - you can buy all the ingredients yourself and cook them for a fraction of the price. So why do you pay so much in the restaurant? Becuase, as we all know, it's not the ingredients that you are paying for!

Fact #3: Different products have different levels of profitability

For us, some pieces have a really good profit margin, some not so good, and there are some pieces we sell that we make no money on at all!

And at the end of the day, the market is what it is! If you don't think you're getting a good price, don't buy it. You don't see me emailing sales@ferrari.com saying "Y U no sell ur carz moar cheep!?"

Although I am tempted.

Internet hugs to all.

x

jL

Last Night A Fashion Designer Saved My Life

1. Well, it is Sunday afternoon here in Australia and I am gearing up for an epic Monday. For those of you who don't know - we were forced to close the shop twice in February due to an excessive amount of awesome stylish women buying our clothes.

First world problems, for sure.

And we're not going to shut again!

I can't 100% guarantee that, because girls might go crazy and buy waaaaaay too much stuff. But I think we're just going to hold tight and ride the metaphoric wave. Speaking of waves... AWESOME WAVE PICTURE!!!!

Yeah, I bet you never saw that one coming.

2. I got an email with this in it from my organisational peeps:

 

Due to the latest shark attack, we have had to rethink our strategies on how to keep all the little sharkies happy. We used to let them buy what ever they wanted (even if it wasn't actually made yet) then try our hardest to print it, cut it, sew it, snip it and pack it in a reasonable time frame.... obviously this was not working. So... our new system:

Everything that is up at our store is in stock - so orders can start going out ASAP! 

If we happen to sell out of a style that we plan on keeping around for a while it will display as "CURRENTLY OUT OF STOCK".

Styles that are limited on numbers and we will not be reordering are "LIMITED".

If we sell out of a size of a style that is "LIMITED" it will display as "SOLD OUT".

This means that sharkies won't have to wait too long for their orders to be packed, as they will only be able to order something that is already here. Although, do keep in mind that for every one packer we have a zillion orders... so it still might take a few days!

 

So NO MORE OVERSELLING! In other words, if we don't have it in stock, we don't sell it. That means that there will be a lot more 'out of stock' notices at the shop. In the past we let overselling happen so that girls didn't have to do multiple orders and we would just get the pieces in as fast as possible. That made things more challenging and complicated because we ended up with hundreds of half packed orders waiting on single items. Now, if it's not in our shop, you can't buy it. But, of course we will try to restock the pieces that have run out as soon as possible! (Also - insiders tip.... the Retro Gamers and the Bloodwings will probably run out quite soon. Then we'll try to get more in March.)

Also... NO MORE PRINTED SKIRTS! Whatever we have, we will be selling out of. We do have some Wallpaper skirts that were never released, so they will be released on Monday, and we will just sell what we have i.e. not many. (I'm still deciding whether the dresses will suffer the same fate).

To ease the pain for those who missed out on printed skirts, we have some other stuff for you to nom on:

• Trippy Chess Skirt (LIMITED)
• Velvet Mulled Wine Skirt
• Midnight Velvet Skirt (LIMITED)
• Bubblegum Pink Skirt (LIMITED)
• We will also be bringing back a few more Toxic Electro Leggings (in all three colours!) (LIMITED)

So I'll see you 4pm Brisbane time... and let the par-tay begin!

;)

 

 

You Have Some Explaining To Do, Young Man!

Okay, so I think I need to fill a few of you guys in with what's going on at the moment with our little fashion label. A lot of you are probably quite confused. 

• Why does the shop keep shutting?
• Why do they keep running out of styles? 
• Why do they keep discontinuing items?
• Why can't they bring back this piece?

Some people have been really negative, saying that we don't care about our customers, that we're not organised, and that we need to get our act together.

So let me do some explaining... :)

Here are the facts:

1. We care about our customers A HUGE AMOUNT! That's why we have to shut the shop.

Most of our sewers, packers, and customer service girls are sharkies themselves, so they genuinely care about other girls who are buying stuff. We lose sleep at night if we feel like we're not on top of orders. 

Seriously, you have no idea how much the peeps at BM do to keep Black Milk going. We have had several incidents where people have been really sick but come to work anyway because they really want to get their work done. A lot of people come to work early, stay late, and cancel appointments because they really feel the burden to get the work done. I don't ask them to - they just really believe in what we're doing.

However, we are victims of our own success. The growth of the community has meant that a huge amont of pressure comes on us to keep up.

Of course the solution is obvious, when demand outstrips supply prices go up. Whether you're selling oil, cars, or flowers, that's how it works.

That's where things get challenging - because I'm not willing to put our prices up. I would feel like I was excluding lots of sharkies who are struggling to buy a lot of our stuff already. So we shut our shop instead.

And so we sell ... nothing.

For those who feel critical of the way we run our business, think about that - we would rather sell nothing than put our prices up and hurt some of our customers.

As for the next claim, that we are disorganised. Can I just say that no company in the world can easily keep pace with the kind of growth we experience every month. We're selling clothes - not MP3s!

And we sell more clothes in the first minute of a release than we did in 2 entire months last year. It's not like we're taking holidays and chilling out while peeps are waiting for their stuff.

We also make all the clothes ourselves. It's not like we just go out the back to a container from Shanghai and pull out another box! For most of us, clothing manufacturing is a 'faceless' thing. Containers magically turn up from overseas filled with clothing (even though we know that they are made for a few dollars by a labourer in the third world).  It's important to remember that these clothes are made by real people. :)

The last issue that I should mention is that we are not 100% independent. We have suppliers - and many of them are just not set up to deal with the kind of growth that we experience.

Very often we have telephone conversations that go like this:

"Hi, we are trying to get some of these...."

"Yes, we stock them, we have twenty five in stock. How many would you like?

"Two thousand."

Silence.

"Well.... we have twenty five."

This is a horrible, horrible fact - you can't grow faster than your suppliers. Australian suppliers in the fashion sector are not set up to deal wth explosive growth - because explosive growth is so rare. Manufacturing is shrinking in Australia. The growth of China has meant that most Australian apparel industry suppliers have downsized, or gone out of business completely.

So we get pressure from all sides:

When we don't sell stuff, we get pressure from girls who are GOING TO DIE if they can't get item X.

So we sell item X.

And when we do, we get pressure from girls who are GOING TO DIE waiting for item X.

So we have to close the shop because hundreds of girls are waiting for item X

And when we close the shop we get pressure from girls who are GOING TO DIE unless the shop opens again.

I can't win! Whatever I do, I am leaving a trail of dead female bodies. 

====================================================

The good news is that we have some big plans for this year adn some really awesome stuff is on the way. :)

Internet hugs for all.

x

jL

 

 

Can I tell you a story?

A long time ago in an ocean far far away there lived a little shark named… Timmy. Timmy loved nothing more than swimming around in the deep blue sea, eating other little fishies. When he did he would make a deep satisfied sound... “nom nom nom”.

One day Timmy was swimming, ‘nomming away’ when he met a small orphaned clown fish with a fin deformity named Emo. Timmy was sohappy because killing disabled fish made him feel like he was promoting diversity. 

“No, don’t eat me!” said Emo. “I know a place you can nom all you want and never run out!”. 

“Where?” asked Timmy, who by this time was wondering how he was able to pronounce words without any kind of vocalic laryngal structure.

“Amity Island!” said the clown fish. “The majority of the population there is clueless teenagers without pants!”

Timmy was intrigued and decided to swish himself over to Amity Island, and he found that it was indeed as the clown fish had described it - shark paradise! Timmy decided to stay. And so Timmy would spend the summer eating legs and torsos, without a care in the world.

But then something happened.

The word got out, and before you could say pi to 1000 decimal places, Amity Island was surrounded by hundreds of ravenous sharks, just like Timmy! One day Timmy went to the beach to nom, and discovered nothing but blood, crushed bones and bikini bottoms.

“What?!” he said to himself. “This used to be my hunting ground, now every shark and his dog is down here, and there are no more teenagers to eat! No fair.”

He sulked for a good 5 minutes after which his primitive shark brain forgot what it was sulking about.

It was about then a wise old Orca named St. Kylie the Merciless found him and told him a powerful truth:

“Timmy, all ocean predators deserve to kill teenagers and feast upon their severed limbs, should you begrudge your fellow sharks this? Be patient, young Timmy, there will always be teenagers to prey upon and perhaps in even greater abundance!"

At this, Timmy was glad, and patiently waited for more people to kill.

The End.

Commandment #5

Commandment #5

 You shall not make critical comments on other women's bodies.

Duh.

The fact that I have to point that out is pretty sad.

And if you're a woman and you need a guy (!) to tell you that making negative comments about women's bodies is a no-no... you really need to take a good, hard look at yourself.

Sure, I know you think you're being really progressive - staging your own little witch hunt to find protruding hip bones and ribs … but the truth is, you're just trying to work out you're own body issues by bringing other women down.

Sure, keep telling yourself that you're actually promoting 'healthy body image'. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Actually… no, let me change that. I've got an idea...

I give you permission to fully critique any woman's body on the Black Milk Facebook page … with one tiny condition. You simply need to post a photo of yourself wearing a swimsuit, and write a little note underneath with the following:

This is my body - please feel free to critique it. Be honest. Tell me what you do and don't like about it. Am I too fat? Too thin? If you have an opinion, please share it, and while you're at it, why not give me some advice about my eating habits.

Any takers? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..."

"But" you protest "I'm protecting young girls from the big bad fashion industry. I want clothing companies to promote healthy bodies. I'm fine with girls having different body shapes, as long as she's healthy…".

Who are you exactly - her mother? No disrespect… but I can't remember anyone actually asking your opinion on the matter! Her health is none of your business. 

And - it must be asked - are these self appointed critics really interested in healthy bodies? So why do they only seem to criticise the boney girls and not the curvy girls? Criticising  either end of the spectrum is equally unacceptable in the BM community.

Peeps put their pics up to share their look with like minded girls. They don't do it to be criticised. And, of course, if girls do constantly get their bodies criticised when they show photos, what's going to happen? Girls will stop posting photos and the Black Milk Facebook page will become as boring as... well, every other fashion label's Facebook page.

I have a very simple policy - if you comment on a woman's body and I think that your comment would hurt her feelings if she read it... you're gone. No warnings, just kapow.

There are a couple of other commands that go along with this one:

1. If your body shape is criticised you do not need to justify yourself.

"She's so skinny, that's not healthy, she should eat..."

"Aaaaargh - I do eat, I promise! I eat more than a man. I totally eat like a hippo all day! Look, here is a photo of me stuffing my face with cream filled donuts, with chocolate on top ... and - look! - the donuts are inside a burger served on top of a  deep fried dolphin. And if you don't believe me I have a doctors certificate saying that I have a high metabolism. Please believe me - I'm a total pig!!!"

No one needs to go justifying their eating habits to anyone else. It's your body.

2. You shall not criticise BM for the girls in photos we post

"So why doesn't BM shoot plus sized models? Why not promote diversity?"

First, because my job is not to promote diversity, it's to make awesome clothes. I can promise you that I will never choose a girl because she meets some modern criterion of 'diversity'.

The girls we like are girls that we feel have the look and the attitude to rock out in our clothes. Diversity never even comes into it. Bossness does. (And just because I don't post your photos on Facebook, doesn't mean I don't love you.. because I do, okay?!)

3. If you're a guy, any comments on women's bodies, positive or negative, is dangerous ground.

Sorry, dudes, that's just the way it goes. You might have the best intentions, but there is just always going to be something awkward about strange men complimenting women's bodies - especially on a women's clothing website.

If I feel like a guy is commenting more on the girl's body that the clothes... gone.

I want the BM community to be an environment where girls feel totally safe and free, without ... awkwardness.

I should also point out that this is not a criticism of guys  per se. I'm sure that I have personally made more girls feel awkward than any other guy on earth! I mean, I stroll up to girls on the street and start chatting to them about their pantyhose.... ! It gets awkward pretty quick, I can tell you....

:)